Created bY lEE
Bacon, Bullets, And Mufflers
After making it to Pittsburgh, the crew and I settled down for a while. We slept for a few hours and grabbed some food that morning. Afterward I was walking through the market and happened upon a 'jobs' board. Nothing really seemed worth it, until I found one offering a muffler for taking out a couple bandits. Sounds good to me, seeing as we currently have no spare mufflers (or any other parts) so would be good to at least have something than be stuck on the side of the road trying to trade one of my 'friends' for car parts.
Actually, that might not be a bad idea.
Oh, and guess what? It wasn't worth it.
It takes a while, but slowly after ducking and firing for a billion times, I whittled down their numbers and put a round into the skull of the last bandit. I walked back and glared at the fellow that hired me until he gave me my hard won muffler, then tossed it in the back of the wagon.
I spent some time trying to gather some supplies, but I am starting to think I shouldn't trust big bags of money I find out in the middle of no where. Every time one shows up, zombie hell bent on gang banging me come out of the woodwork. I got swarmed and barely escaped without getting bit, but they tore away some of the supplies I had collected.
Fuck Pittsburgh. I'm done with this city. I hustle everyone into the wagon and fire it up, pointing it out of town opposite of the way I came it. I can't wait to put some distance between here and...
Not only is there a giant horde waiting for us right outside the city, but it's a mosh pit of ravenous undead ready to eat our faces. Looks like we are going to lay low for a while and hope they find something else to sink their teeth into, giving us a chance to get around them.
Five Hours Later
Just as I am deciding which one to use, I notice that the undead as randomly milling about looking half asleep. They seem to be pretty docile at the moment. We could risk trying to sneak through them... but there is the chance they wake up and overwhelm the wagon.
Then I look at my friends who I have had to sit here with for 5 hours.
But even though the logistics of it made no sense, we managed to get across without alerting the horde. Clements' station wagon must be equipped with stealth technology. That's seriously about the only thing that makes sense.
So finally we are on our way again. We make a quick stop at an abandoned car, but didn't find anything useful in it. Apparently though someone forgot to tied down the gas cans we are carrying on the top of the wagon, seeing as one came tumbling off the roof and poured fuel all over the windshield before dumping out the rest onto the ground.
I turn around and scream something unintelligible laced with anger at everyone in the car, turn on the wipers, and continue down the road trying not to pass out from huffing the gas fumes.
After driving down the road for a while, I blink and almost think I must be high as I see some little old lady hanging out on the side of the road. She is sitting there on a stump gutting a rabbit, but still just a little old lady hanging out in the wasteland.
I almost just stare at her blankly as she asks me if I'm friendly, but as she points her knife at me I snap back to reality. I explain to her as I eye the knife that we are very friendly and there is no need to be waving the blade around. She looked relieved as I told her this, saying that she didn't have the heart to blow the heads off of any more bandit's necks at this point. I laugh a little at this, then blink as she offered to join her and her family for dinner.
I smile and could almost cry at the thought, having the chance to eat a home cooked meal from this adorable old lady. We quickly take her up on her offer and follow along behind her to her house, chatting a bit as we went. I'm so happy. Not only for the food, but to be able to speak to someone other then guys, since much of the conversation with them involves penis and various other high brow topics. I'm practically giddy as we reach the house, ready to eat some warm food and meet this lady's family.
Looks Who's Coming To Dinner
That... doesn't sound good. I hesitate for just a second, but think maybe I just misheard her. This lady totally looks like your cliche adorable grandma, so there is no way at all that she could be hiding anything sinister. Not at all. I am sure all those metallic clanking noises is just the normal sounds of pots and pans clanking about while dinner is made.
Please let that to be it.
Yeeeeeah. I'm not feeling hungry anymore.
I try to make a joke about her son and Ethan both having the same name as I slowly back away towards the door, but it falls flat as I laugh awkwardly. I mutter some words about having dysentery and quickly excuse ourselves, sprinting back to the wagon before old lady bat shit crazy can make us part of her family.
I will say though, after the fact I got to thinking as I did some scavenging that maybe I should of taken her offer of dinner, even though some of the undead would be in attendance. Not that I think it would of been all that enjoyable and probably would of puked in my mouth a little while I tried to eat, but we are the Gearbox Union damn it. We need to throw caution to the wind and live a little, even if it means probably dying it horrible ways in this desolate world. So from now on I promise to go down the zombie rabbit hole, rather then play it safe.
Also while I collect supplies I wonder how wise it is to gather food from a shopping cart sitting out in the middle of the woods and cross my fingers as I grab another big sack of money from underneath a tree, but that all goes without saying.
So we roll off down the highway once more and soon come upon another tombstone. Last time I stopped to look at one of these half a corpse almost chewed my knees off. But like I said earlier, no wussing out and turning tail. And to be honest, the memory of Clements' sacrifice would make me feel a little guilty if I didn't take the time to pay my respects to this lost traveler.
I just rub my eyes and shake my head at the grave marker, letting out a frustrated huff.
I'm not even shocked when Captain Taco Pie clawed his way out of the dirt to eat my heart, splattering his brain with one well placed shell.
Man's Best Friend
We stop for a bit, looking at what they have to sell. I stumble upon a wise old man that offers to teach me how to find medkit while scavenging for a mere $80. I don't understand why I couldn't find them without having to take a class as it were, but whatever. I'm pretty good on cash after finding all those money bags. And ya can never have too many medkits. I even take one last hour to tinker around on the wagon and manage to make some repairs to it without it exploding.
We don't waste any more time here and leave though, getting back on the road. After driving for a while, I decide to stop and try out this new skill I acquired back at the mall. Hopefully I can find-
Sorry about that. So yeah. Zombie dogs. I think I wet myself. Several times. Some how though, I managed to escape intact. I think all the screaming and flailing must of confused them. I think I'm just going to make sure the windows are up and drive for a few hours before I even think of getting back out of the car.
Unfortunately though it's not long before I am forced to stop and get out of the car, the gas light flicking on signaling that we needed to refuel. I climb out of the car and grab a gas can from the roof and pop the cap. Right as I'm about to fill up the tank though, I notice something. The can didn't have that usual nose burning gas smell as usual. I blinked and sniffed the opening directly.
I dump a little out into my hand and look at it. Clear and it's not giving me any kind of chemical burning sensation.
I stare really hard at the liquid on my hand... then lick it. Barely a tastes.
Fuck. It's water.
I think I blacked out for a while in a fit of rage, at least that's what the guys told me when I stopped only seeing a blinding flash of red. Apparently I dumped the water out and started punching the ground it soaked into. Then during a string of expletives that took the better part of ten minutes to get out, I took a shit on the gas can. Yes. I was that angry that I pooped.
I growl for everyone to get back into the wagon, fill the tank with another can, and peel out, leaving the soiled item behind.
I am in no mood for anything else. Seriously. Just. Fuck.
Indianapolis slowly appears over the horizon and it's a welcomed sight. I just want get into the city and pass out. Then maybe I can regroup a bit and... that's weird... why... why is the ground shaking... and what is that sound...
So we survived with only one of the rotting animals slamming into the car and causing some damage. It also now smells a bit. Well. More. It smells more than it did, seeing as five men have been living out of it for a while now.
Part three can be read HERE.